Even If Things End Up A Bit Too Heavy
Last week, a man drove on the biggest bridge out of town and tried to drive off of it. The bridge was closed for four hours while police worked to resolve the situation, and traffic was crazy for several hours -- all in the middle of the evening rush hour. Those of us who were still in the lab when the news first came in stayed in the lab; some of my lab mate went to buy beer while I was finishing up on the microscope, and after everyone had finished with their work, we drank beer and laughed for hours. Students, junior faculty -- we sat on desks and on the floor, my face flashing up red from the tiny bit of booze I drank, our laughter getting louder with each passing minute. Everyone else in the city was in their cars, angry and gridlocked, and we were there laughing. Sometimes the world is amazing when you don't mind waiting.
I was sick or on antibiotics for almost all of January, so progress went pretty shitty with our goals. That being said, I did manage to get some good workouts in, and we formed a team to do a 12-person 200 mile relay race in April, so more good runs are on their way -- hopefully, that will be a good transition into training for a full marathon, so exercise is happening, at least. I am training with my Friday morning group, and we are laughing and cursing our way through each hour, sweating and tripping over shit and making fun of each other. Maybe the best thing that I have done in January is to get back in the habit of exercising with partners -- a Wednesday evening spin date, an "I'll meet you there at 6 AM," and a "So, you will be there every Thursday?"
I did read a new book: Cemetery Girl, which was kind of meh. And because I am the worst at keeping up with popular things, I have been listening to Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons, which I haven't really done until now. So, I am making progress toward those 12 for 2012, sickness and antibiotics be damned.
When I stopped being sick, I started being nostalgic, listening to old music on the turntable, missing old friends and getting lost inside my mind. In the past few days, I've been back on the scope, so I listen to Red Hot Chili Peppers and Radiohead while concentrating so hard in a cold cold room. I sometimes wish I could reach out to all of those people that I can only reach now in my head; I used to know how to find them, but it's getting harder now. Sometimes, it is so much harder to be not-crazy, to be here and present in my life. But then, I fall back out of my head, and things are ok. And I don't have the words, sometimes, to describe what is beautiful about the love I have here, to tell you about the things we do when we are in love. Joey patiently ironing for me while I sit cross-legged waiting for him to finish, giving the dog a bath and laughing when she shakes water all over the bathroom, mimosas in bed and putting up the groceries together as a team. The best and deepest parts of my memories, of all the lives that I have lived since I was 17, are the parts that have him smiling and happy with me.