I am woman, hear me roarrrrr

Tonight, I did something I've never done before: I went to a sit-down restaurant and ate. By myself. And though maybe it shouldn't, this feels like a big thing.

I've always been one to enjoy my own thoughts. I think this is why lab work appeals to me--and maybe to so many other people. Sure, there are lots of people in my lab, and sure, we have a lot of fun goofing around, watching videos on YouTube, insulting the hell out of each other, but we do have a lot of time for [somewhat] quiet contemplation. So it seems natural to extend that into the dining sphere, right?

Honestly, in no point in my life have I been hurting for dining companions. At school, I had my friends and Joey; at home, I had Joey, some of our friends, my family, sometimes just my brothers. Here, I have Matt, Oneil, Justin, and Jennie. But tonight, Matt and Oneil were out of town, Justin was eating with parents, and I have plans with Jennie for tomorrow: so I set out of my home with about two hours to burn, and I sat down at a cafe. Actually, it wasn't that easy. I vacillated on the issue: could I sit down and eat by myself? Maybe I would just get to go. No, I would sit down. Finally, I thought of my hero when it comes to eating alone [as it is a move she was brave enough to make before I could], Allison, and I decided to channel her. I made it to the corner of Coming and Spring. I was nervous: first, the door was stuck, and I felt like a fool, trying to open it while trying to figure out if the door that read the name of the restaurant was indeed the door to the cafe. I know, I know: I'm going to be a doctor?

So, I unstuck the door, walked in, chose a nice little table meant for two. The other set of silverware was unceremoniously swept away, and I settled in. I decided I could do this. While quietly contemplating the menu and sipping on Diet Coke, I wondered why I hadn't thought of wine and deliberated over my meal. As I almost always do, I chose two or three things that sounded delectable to me, and made my decisions in the split-second before making my order.

Then came the hard part. Looking around, I noticed that the restaurant--which is fairly small--held mostly cute couples and picture-perfect advertisements for "Girl's Night Out" wearing largely atrocious dresses. Thinking about it, I realized that there is some kind of stigma against girls dining alone. I've seen guys do it often--burying their faces into books, they somehow look perfectly validated as they eat by themselves. Men dining alone are automatically stereotyped as the "bachelor," eating alone because they choose to. Women dining alone are manless; they have no option but to dine alone, crying into their Diet Cokes because they have no man to take them out, no grossly-dressed friends to gossip with. I also realized this: fuck stereotypes.

I do have to admit that I broke a little bit: I did text message some while eating, but mostly because Joey was on break for the only time tonight, and also because I was making plans with Justin. Still, I was able to eat at MY speed, enjoy my thoughts, and eat all my food without feeling fat or guilty.

So the upshot of all of this: I love dining with friends, family, and my beautiful Joey, but I am definitely going to go it alone again, maybe make it a monthly habit. I walked out of the restaurant with my head a little bit higher, and I am realizing now that I am thankful for the things I do have: the bravery to walk down the street by myself, the good fortune to have the money to spend on myself, and the introspection and self-love to realize that I make a pretty damn good date for myself. Those are all things that you can take to the proverbial bank.

But next time, I'm getting that wine.