Everyday Sexism

Like most "isms", sexism is not much thought about in the general population unless something big happens. But really, how often does the president of Harvard imply that there is some ambiguous, imaginary difference between men and women that makes women less able to do science? How often does some asshole with a radio mic decide, well, to be an asshole? With sexism--just as with racism, homophobia, xenophobia--the true problems are the ones that pop up in our everyday lives, the problems we sometimes don't notice for years because they've been around us all of our lives.

Today's topic deals with the delicate politics of cashiering. When I am out with my girl friends, the server almost always asks if we want to split the checks. When we order at a counter, each woman's meal (or ice cream or coffee, etc) is rung up separately. However, I spend a lot of time with my guy friends. It is not that unusual for me to go to eat, or on an outing, with Matt or Justin. If we are sitting down, the check is usually brought to the male, unless we manage to catch our waitress to say "separate." If we are at a counter, our items are generally rung up together--especially if it is a place where you order before you pay, like an ice cream or coffee place. And it gets frustrating. I hate having to write checks or carry cash because I know I'll probably need to pay my friend back.

I do need to say, though, that there are some qualifying statements. I have no qualms if my dining companion actually does intend to pay for me, for whatever reason, just as I have no qualms if a female friends takes me out for dinner. And I have noticed this behavior much more in the south, perhaps because it is a place entirely caught up in its own illusion of "gentility."

Even so, it frustrates me when an assumption is made. I make a decent sum of money per month, more than my boyfriend, and I am financially capable of paying my own rent, cell phone bills, electric bills, cable bills, grocery bills, car repair bills, books, on and on and on. The implication that I am forever at the mercy of some man's wallet for dining costs is, well--ridiculous.

But that's just everyday sexism for you.