There is no me without you

So this is it.

The point where we've come to defy explanation, the point where I can't explain how this love makes me feel. Every morning, I wake up loving you so hard, so fast, so strong that it hurts and strains my heart. Every day, we send each other messages across digital pipelines, so many messages that my friends make fun of me, so many messages that I don't have enough space to save all of them, just the best. The sweetest. The funniest. The ones that have brightened up the dullest of days.

I can't tell you how much you have amazed me, stunned me in these past five years. In these past ten months. In the past 72 hours. In the past five years, I've believed--and not believed--in a lot of things. I've questioned the infallibility and existence of God. I've questioned science and probed its limits. I've taken apart literature and history and art. I've fallen out of love with certain books and poems, certain styles of clothing, certain topics of chemistry and literature.

But I believe in your love. I believe in our ability to be strong, to grow and prosper. I believe in your ability to put me to sleep, to rock me both like a seashell and a hurricane, to make me a better human being, to make me cry with your beautiful words and perfect kisses, to warm my cold nose with your warm cheek. I believe in your love, in your tenderness, in the gentleness of your hand swooping around my back to hold me up. I believe in your commitment to my mental health, to my chosen career path, to my desire to one day have children and way too many pets.

I promise you this: we are not infallible, but there is no denying the existence of our love. I will never question it, from now until I die. I have probed it, and found it has no limits. My sickness and my commitment to it above all things threated to take us apart, but there was no falling out of love with you.

These past five years have been incredibly beautiful, incredibly fun, incredibly crazy in more ways than one. Some of it has been fucked-up. Some of it has been perfect. All of it has been so real.

We've lived apart for about half of our time together, but I know you're never far from me. I know that this five years is just an intricate prelude to a resounding symphony, for there is no me without you.