The Only Thing That Ever Made Sense To Me

I spent the last few days in my car re-iterating the entire discography of Everclear [though, admittedly, not in order]. It started with a bad bad day Friday, the kind of day that made me want to listen to "You Make Me Feel Like a Whore." Which is, without a doubt, my favorite "bad day" song.

But then, at "Strawberry," the CD started skipping. Which took me to the Greatest Hits, and then "Songs from an American Movie Part I" (the song) made me want to listen to "Songs from an American Movie Part II," and "Overwhelmed" led to "California King," and finally I was at Songs From An American Movie Part I (the album), and I was reminded why I fell in love with Everclear in the first place.

That album was one of the very first I ever bought, in late 1999--my freshman year of high school [and a clean 10 years ago--yikes!]. The album is about the start and end of a relationship--some songs are of the saccharine "falling in love," type, but others are about parts of relationships gone awry.

I remember when the whole things was a glimpse into the future. When I first fell in love with this CD, I had never been in love. Like, I imagine, all adolescents, I had grand and glorious notions of what "true love" would be like--all full of magic. I suppose, at that point, I didn't pay that much attention about the other songs--the ones about going to sleep angry, the ones about starting over, the ones about how hard it can be to trust someone who hurt you when you decide to keep going. About how hard it is, sometimes, to keep going.

Listening to Songs from An American Movie, Part I [which is coincidentally subtitled "Learning How To Smile"], I can't help noticing that I have, in fact, grown and learned a whole 10 years worth of lessons. That sometimes a bed can be the distance of worlds between two people. That it's possible to be relatively poor and objectively happy together. That anyone can have a bad year.

That, although it's not easy to do, it is possible--sometimes, if you try--to learn how to smile.