Laughing and Happy in the Sunshine

You say there is no perfect place,
I say I know this is true.
I'm just learning how to smile,
that's not easy to do.
[Everclear]

The guy who sits in front of me in lecture knows way too much about me. Today, we were talking as we were leaving the anatomy lab. He was wondering what had made us laugh all through lab. I told him he should be used to me laughing, as he sits in front of Joe and me, and we constantly have bouts of SLS [Spontaneous Losing of Shit].

This actually wasn't the first time today we'd had this conversation. You see, David--the guy who sits in front of me--is in my doctoring class. Today, we all had pizza for lunch, and David and I started talking about how much we laugh behind him. We were explaining it to the rest of the class. "Remember the day we had that fake patient, 'Lotta Topaine?' And Dr. Krupenko kind of stopped in the middle of it? That's because Joe and I were losing our shit."

David confirmed. "What did you guys lose it over today? Oh yeah, that's right. The guy there to fix the projector."

As we washed our hands, he looked at me. "You are funny," he said, "You keep me entertained."
David sits in front of us because of--and not despite--our laughter. It's funny, because laughter is not welcome in a lot of places, especially a lot of academic places. Sometimes laughter makes other people scowl or complain. Some people find laughter--my laughter, I'm sure--obnoxious and annoying.

But laughter is a gift.

I know this because I've felt, at times, like I would never laugh again. I've spent soporific days in bed trying to convince myself to get up and move. I've had crying jags that have lasted for hours, days that were painful because I had to get up and do something, anything. I've been clinically depressed. I've lost my laughter before.

I love people who make me laugh. When people ask me what attracted me to Joey, the first answer is always that he makes me laugh more than anyone else ever can. This has always been--and I suspect will always be--a true statement. My family never stops laughing, no matter how loudly, no matter where. We've laughed too loud in restaurants, we've laughed at inappropriate times at church. I've laughed at weddings, I've laughed through lectures and presentations. My roommates, my friends, my lab mates--these are the important people in my life, and I keep them close for many reasons, one of them being that they make me laugh.

So I'll keep being that girl, that laughing obnoxiously, can't help giggling, constantly loses her shit, silently cracking up with shoulders shaking and tears in her eyes girl. I'll keep laughing at things that strike me as hilarious, whether they are intentional, ironic, uncanny, immature, silly or misspoken. I'll take all your dirty looks, your glaring disapproval, your smiling appreciation, your tendency to quietly sit in front of me, soaking it up all.

I'll keep it up, for myself and for my sanity, hoping that I never lose the laughter again.